I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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