What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
