Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
