He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
