i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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