I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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