Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
