I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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