i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
