OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
