Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
