i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
