Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize