If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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