Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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