someone threw a dead crab at me
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
