i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
