I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
