I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
