I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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