Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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