This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
