I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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