"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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