we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
