First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
