i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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