I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
