I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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