When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I have aggressive nipples.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
