see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
