Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
