he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize