She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
