grandma shit on top of the toilet
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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