I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Less talking, more tequila
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
