I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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