How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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