May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
