Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
where are my eyebrows?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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