we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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