Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
