Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
