you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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