awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
