cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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