i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
