xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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