she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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