did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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