Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
