I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
