Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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